Parents? Are You Willing To Make Your Child Great?

July 28, 2021,

Reading literature about someone pushing themselves as far as they can go might be intriguing, depending upon the activity or interest. Especially if it is something that you are involved in.

Listening to a famous athlete speak about how she or he pushed themselves beyond expected limits to have legendary success can be enthralling.

Having a discussion with someone else about pushing yourself or your child beyond traditional limits can be a sensitive area.

Maybe downright contentious.

We say this because recently one of our associates was having a discussion with a family member about pushing their child to their greatest heights when they are older.

We’ve often chronicled how one of our leaders achieved great success in the high school sports world where his charge finished as California’s number one ranked senior in the brutally competitive Men’s Track and Field 100 meter event.

Simply put, he defeated future defensive backs and wide receivers in California who would eventually star in the NFL.

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Our associate, who we’ll call Art, was having this conversation with a relative who benefited from her parents jumping into the deep end of the pool to propel her to be a high school star.

Now that she had a child, she acknowledged that since high achievement in high school sports rewarded her with a scholarship, she saw sports in the future of her child too.

The rub between the two relatives came when Art asked her what she was willing to do to ensure that her child would be successful.

She replied that as parents, they will support the child in whatever decisions he makes.

Art paused.

What?

The wheels started turning. Make that churning.

Art began to reason, first of all, a child really doesn’t know what they want. You have to expose them to many activities to see what they like and more importantly, what they are good at. Typically you will find this out by the time they are 10-12 years old. Once you find out what they are good at? In terms of encouragement and participation?

Gas to the floor.

Art tried to relay this to Cynthia who immediately pushed back that a parent should not dictate to their child what to do.

Art pondered, “When did I say dictate”?

No, encourage, admonish, influence and most important, make it fun for them. Then here is how it works. The better they get at something, the more the child tends to like it.

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Cynthia continued to resist. She felt that not everyone has to participate in sports. Many grow up to have financially successful careers who never played sports.

Art felt she was missing the point. Cynthia made it easy for him to make his point by providing him with an example to make her point.

She cited the example of a common family friend. When he was young, he was good at music. He enjoyed it. Cynthia felt it would not be right for his family to force him to pursue it.

Art paused again. Then finally spoke.

He related that if he was the father of that child and saw that at an early age he was good at music, he wouldn’t dictate anything to him. He would do something else instead.

Invite him to go to concerts in the music genre he loved.

If the instrument he played cost $500, he would buy him one at $3,000 and if the child asked him why he did that, he would make it clear that he did it because the child was very talented playing this instrument so why not play the best instrument available?

He would pay for private lessons from a local professional.

He would fly in one of the country’s best specialists to work with him.

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He would first set up recitals with friends and family under the guise of having a social gathering and oh by the way, the child would play for them.

He would accompany him and fly him to competitions around the country.

Simply put, whatever it takes, while your window is open, it’s all hands on deck to propel the child to stardom.

He also had little sympathy for Cynthia.

Art felt that she was already comforting herself with built in excuses so she could continue to pursue her brilliant career, attend her socials, in designer threads, that she loved so much and just pay for the child’s college education.

What a cop out, Art thought. Every parent with money can do that.

Your child most likely will not stand out.

He felt that Cynthia greatly benefited from her parents jumping into the deep end of the pool to propel her to greatness but she was unwilling to do that for her own child.

The next time that Art called Cynthia, she refused to pick up the phone.

He will not bring that subject up to Cynthia again.

Art will never forget a painful discussion he had with another friend who ended up without a real profession in a job he hated.

His friend’s father was a doctor.

His friend resented that other parents decided for their children what they would grow up to be such as attorneys, police persons then detectives, doctors or other professional occupations where you can make a name for yourself.

He wished that his doctor father had dictated to him that he would grow up to be a doctor.

His friend sighed, “How does a child really know what they want to be? They don’t know what is out there and they don’t have the experience. It’s the parents who decide who the child will grow up to be.”

Art never forgot the pain and disappointment on his friend’s face.

Art decided at a very early age that all of his children would grow up to achieve Masters Degrees.

How do you think that turned out?

Yes, there is a smile of admiration for Art on our faces.

A film that exemplifies the importance of parental involvement at the highest level is Searching For Bobby Fischer.

Searching for Bobby Fischer, is a 1993 American drama film written and directed by Steven Zaillian, in his directorial debut.

Starring Max Pomeranc, Joe Mantegna, Joan Allen, Ben Kingsley, and Laurence Fishburne, it is based on the life of prodigy chess player Joshua Waitzkin, played by Pomeranc, and adapted from the book of the same name by Joshua's father Fred Waitzkin.

The film was nominated for Best Cinematography in the 66th Academy Awards.

Here is the storyline.

Seven-year-old Josh Waitzkin becomes fascinated with the chess players in Washington Square Park.

Josh's mother, Bonnie, is initially uncomfortable with her young son's interest, as the games in the park are rife with illegal gambling and homeless players, but eventually allows Josh to play a game with a disheveled player for $5. Although Josh loses, Bonnie is amazed that Josh understands the rules of chess, despite having never been taught them.

Another park player, Vinnie Livermore, alerts Bonnie to Josh's advanced talent in the game.

Josh's father, Fred, asks to play a game with his son and swiftly defeats him. It emerges, however, that Josh deliberately lost to spare his father's feelings. When Fred prompts Josh to play a rematch honestly, Josh effortlessly defeats him.

Wow. Surprising and exciting. The potential for greatness is here.

Through a fascinating tale, Josh attends the National Chess Championship tournament where he eventually wins.

You see, it’s not always about sports, is it? Music and chess in the above examples.

What is it about?

As a parent you already know the answer, so we’re not going to say here.

We’re not going to make it easy for you.