Patience And Self-Control, Siblings Or Cousins?

June 18, 2021,

Are you two related?

You must be. You seem so similar. Strikingly similar.

Patience and self-control are related aren’t they?

Patience is the ability to endure difficult circumstances. Patience may involve perseverance in the face of unexpected and disappointing delays. It is the tolerance of provocation without responding in a disrespectful or angry manner.

Things don’t always have to be going bad or sideways. They could actually being going extremely well. Too well. When that is the situation, you need patience not to get over excited or thinking that this is the new norm.

It may not be.

Be patient and see how it plays out.

We could also say, exercise self-control and see how it plays out. Pretty much the same thing. Very closely related. Like cousins, true?

Maybe siblings. They sure look alike. Are they twins?

Self-control is the ability to regulate one's emotions, thoughts, and behavior in the face of temptations and impulses. As an executive function, self-control is a cognitive process that is necessary for regulating one's behavior in order to achieve specific goals.

A related concept in psychology is emotional self-regulation.

Self-control is thought to be like a muscle. What psychologists determined is: "firstly it’s the ability to control behaviors and so as to avoid temptations and then to be able to achieve long-term goals. Secondly the ability to delay gratification and put up resistance against unwanted behaviors or urges. Lastly it is a limited resource that can be depleted but can strengthen over time".

In achieving our goals, patience and self-control are critical.

Some of us are late bloomers and persistence is very important in making our mark.

How many times have we seen in the sports world, especially women’s tennis, where a Phenom comes along very early, is pushed hard and then flames out?

We can patiently approach the subject from different angles.

When it comes to achievement, self-control, patience and determination can be a virtue.

Here is one angle that speaks to that. An audio book found on Amazon.

Late Bloomers: The Power of Patience in a World Obsessed with Early Achievement Audible Audiobook – Unabridged

Rich Karlgaard (Author), Fred Sanders (Narrator), Random House Audio (Publisher)

A groundbreaking exploration of how finding one's way later in life can be an advantage to long-term achievement and happiness.

“What Yogi Berra observed about a baseball game - it ain't over till it's over - is true about life, and [Late Bloomers] is the ultimate proof of this.... It’s a keeper.” (Forbes)

“We live in a society where kids and parents are obsessed with early achievement, from getting perfect scores on SATs to getting into Ivy League colleges to landing an amazing job at Google or Facebook - or even better, creating a start-up with the potential to be the next Google, Facebook or Uber. We see coders and entrepreneurs becoming millionaires or billionaires before age 30 and feel we are failing if we are not one of them.

Late bloomers, on the other hand, are undervalued - in popular culture, by educators and employers, and even unwittingly by parents. Yet the fact is a lot of us - most of us - do not explode out of the gates in life. We have to discover our passions, talents, and gifts. That was true for author Rich Karlgaard, who had a mediocre academic career at Stanford (which he got into by a fluke) and after graduating, worked as a dishwasher and night watchman before finally finding the inner motivation and drive that ultimately led him to start up a high-tech magazine in Silicon Valley and eventually to become the publisher of Forbes magazine.

There is a scientific explanation for why so many of us bloom later in life. The executive function of our brains doesn't mature until age 25 - and later for some. In fact, our brain's capabilities peak at different ages. We actually enjoy multiple periods of blooming in our lives. Moreover, late bloomers enjoy hidden strengths because they take their time to discover their way in life - strengths coveted by many employers and partners - including curiosity, insight, compassion, resilience, and wisdom.

Based on several years of research, personal experience, and interviews with neuroscientists, psychologists, and countless people at different stages of their careers, Late Bloomers reveals how and when we achieve our full potential.”

Never give up in trying to achieve your goals or potential. It may come a little later in life but if you persistent, it will come.

Are you a patient person or do you find yourself often apologizing to family, friends and associates because you said or did something in haste that you later regret?

How to develop patience?

We have a visiting female writer with some insightful thoughts.

Nicole Hospital-Medina earned her MFA at the University of Miami.

Her poems can be read in the anthology, Women Write Resistance: Poets Resist Gender Violence, as well as in CURA: A Journal of Art and Action, The Miami Herald, Linden Lane Magazine, Paper Nautilus, Blunderbuss Magazine, The Acentos Review and more.

Nicole is a teacher, Floridian, surfer, sailor, artist and environmentalist, ventures to write. She is a poet-activist.

Let’s learn from what she has to say.

Patience Is Not a Virtue - It's a Habit: 10 Ways to Grow Patience

Whenever a colleague would ask a convoluted question at the end of a meeting that kept us all waiting longer, of course I practiced the facial expression of intrigue, the mechanical little nodding to insinuate awareness and attention. My thoughts and nerves, however, sharply contrasted my appearance and mannerisms.

"Wow," I would think, "some of us actually look forward to going home," or "dude, did you not hear? The meeting is ending. The boss is out of breath. Someone's stomach just growled super loudly," or "in case you haven't noticed there's a pregnant woman in the back falling asleep who probably still has to make dinner for her other kids and husband."

Still, with all this impatient thinking, I pretended to listen, dying to sigh or flap my arms and huff, "Why me?!"

I recall getting internally annoyed at having to repeat myself to others simply because he/she was not listening at first. I was good at mimicking patience, but not actually being patient inside.

So, what's the problem? I didn't think internal impatience was a performance inhibitor as long as I kept it to myself. I see now that I was wrong.

Patience cannot be acted. It must be practiced. Since I have started implementing patience, I feel noticeably less exhausted and less defeated. By practicing patience, I spend more energy on thoughts that matter. Without my mental, "hurry ups," there is more space in my brain.

When I use patience, I listen and empathize more. I react more effectively, and others appreciate this patience as a respite from the impatience.

I did not realize how much impatience resembles anxiety. My mental impatience, like anxiety, was repetitive and exhausting. Like anxiety, impatience can be managed. You can replace impatience with patience if you practice.

Tips for Practicing Patience

1. Breathe. Consciously remembering to breathe can slow down your thinking. While this person is asking you the same question for the third time, you are taking a moment to calm down rather than getting annoyed.
2. Focus. Like a kid staring at flash cards, you can attempt to prioritize the content being communicated rather than waiting for the communication to end.
3. Every time you feel yourself growing impatient and getting annoyed at others, ask yourself why. Examine your own thinking, rather than the flaws and absurdity in others. Why are you in such a hurry? Why are you so tired? Why are you being so critical?
4. Redesign your own communication strategies if someone is having trouble understanding. I used to think, "Well, the other person yesterday understood it, so what's wrong with this lady?" Instead of growing frustrated, remind yourself that people are different. Take the opportunity to employ a new strategy.
5. Evaluate the reactions of your superiors when a meeting runs over time. How are they handling their levels of patience? What do you admire... or don't?
6. Write down a list of goals regarding your patience. Examine what makes you impatient. Brainstorm possible ways you can react, rather than feel impatient. How could you produce patience instead of impatience.
7. Recollect times that others have practiced their patience on you. By remembering how one's patience positively affected you, you can motivate yourself to be patient with others.
8. Recollect and analyze times that others were impatient with you. How did it make you feel? Do you want others to feel this way?
9. Mentally reward yourself for practicing patience. It's not easy, and you should be proud.
10. Share your success with someone else. Getting positive feedback will only keep your patience blooming.

To read more work by this author, please visit https://productiveprofessor.wordpress.com/

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